Memorial Library Blog

Memorial Library will be conducting an intensive quantitative study of reactions of fear, horror, and terror in response to the new stapler at the reference desk.   Funded by a grant from the Department of Defense, assessment will occur over a period of six months at the library reference desk.  Data will be collected via a comprehensive survey of library users and by analysis of closed-circuit television using the Dartfish software package.  The findings will be crucial for the experimental weapons program for the Army’s Psychological Warfare unit, which will establish whether staplers equipped with extension cords should be parachuted into hot zones to demoralize the enemy.

Thank you for your cooperation,

Mr. April Fool